We normally associate alcoholism with increased tolerance to alcohol. Alcoholics often are able to drink a great deal before the usual symptoms of intoxication kick in — slurred speech, falling asleep, getting loud, poor balance, and poor judgment which could lead to and accident or a DUI charge.

However, there are exceptions. Some functioning alcoholics do indeed show signs of intoxication with as little as a single drink. There are at least two different reasons why this might happen.

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Dr. Neill Neill

You both enjoyed a drink when you were first married. But unlike your drinking, his has increased over time. In fact it has become an integral part of everyday living for him.

It has become a familiar part of your life too, because you worry about what is happening to him and to your marriage. For present purposes I will limit my comments to home life.

Perhaps he is just a friendly alcoholic. He pours a drink as soon as he gets home from work and he keeps one going all evening. He watches television with you and the children and is easy to get along with, provided he always has a drink. He insists there is nothing wrong with this drinking and that he is functioning quite well. After all, he reasons, he does his job and he brings home the money.

However, he never goes to the children’s games, because he doesn’t plan ahead. By the time he is asked, he’s already drinking and can’t go. "Next time…"

If you enjoy sex in the evening, you are out of luck, because by bedtime he’s blotto. And sex is not the only area where you are feeling neglect. It’s hard to have a discussion about anything significant after he has had a couple of drinks. You spend a lot of time effectively alone. You didn’t bargain for loneliness in your marriage.

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Dr. Neill Neill

My regular readers will know that I write articles on a variety of subjects in practical psychology, including alcoholism.  I have a particular interest in the well-being of families of alcoholics and other addicts. I am such a family member myself.

I came across a new website today called Addiction Recovery Basics by Bill Urell, who works with people recovering from addictions. Check it out. He has good articles on chemical dependency, 12-step, and the depression that so often accompanies substance-abuse and recovery.

I expect that over time our writings will complement each other.

On a personal note, there are a few parallels between us, although I may be a bit longer in the tooth than Bill. Just before Christmas I was honored with a cake for 30 years of sobriety at the alcohol and drug treatment center where I am the consulting psychologist.

Bill says he bought a convertible. I bought a motorcycle last year. (Is this a male thing or a stage-of-life thing?)

Anyway Bill, congratulations on your new internet venture!

Neill

Psychologist Dr. Neill Neill maintains an active psychology and life-coaching practice on Vancouver Island, BC, Canada.   He focuses on self growth, healthy relationships and life enhancement after addictions. He is the author of Living with a Functioning Alcoholic - A Woman’s Survival Guide. Get on his list for notification that he has posted a new article and receive his free report, "Addiction and Codependency Simplified."

Dr. Neill Neill

Readers repeatedly ask me questions about their relationships with the functioning alcoholics in their lives. Today I will look at the case of the woman who is not yet living with her boyfriend, but wants to. She is concerned, however, about his alcohol consumption. It usually goes something like this:

"I’ve been wondering if my boyfriend has a drinking problem. He says he’s a functioning alcoholic, with the stress on "functioning." I like the odd drink myself, but I can take it or leave it. We love each other and want to live together. Should I move in with him?" Signed, 29 and single

Well, 29 and single, it’s good that you are acknowledging right up front that there could be a problem. You show a healthy level of self esteem and confidence.

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