Jackie asked me how many drinks could her husband have in a day before she should worry. She says he drinks three or four beers in the evening on work nights and a lot more on weekends when he doesn't have to go to work the next day. She thinks he may be a functioning alcoholic.

Kevin worries that his wife's three or four glasses of wine in the evening could be the beginning of alcoholism. Alcoholism runs in her family. 

Both Jackie and Kevin were quite surprised to find their partners' consumption was well above what are considered low-risk drinking levels…

More on How Much Alcohol Is Too Much? The Facts Might Surprise You

Dr. Neill Neill

Part Three of the Functioning Alcoholic

There is a third critical factor to bear in mind when questioning the functioning of a so-called "functioning alcoholic." The first factor to consider was whether the alcoholic is functioning generally in life, or just in one aspect of life, like his job. The second factor was whether the alcoholic in achieving his potential and pursuing his dreams, not just getting by.

The third factor has to with how long the "functioning," at whatever level, can last in the presence of alcoholism.

More on Can the Functioning Alcoholic Last?

Dr. Neill Neill

Part Two of The Functioning Alcoholic

In The Functioning Alcoholic: Part One I argued that doing one’s job is not one’s only function in life. For the alcoholic to consider himself to be "functioning" he has to function in various areas of life, not just on the job.

Abandoned Dreams and Underachievement

More on The Functioning Alcoholic and Achievement

Dr. Neill Neill

At this time of year in many communities there are volunteer programs to get people home safely if they've been drinking and shouldn't drive. Their existence is a reminder that Christmas parties, family gatherings, New Year's Eve parties and other celebrations push up the alcohol consumption during the holiday season.

A few of all the people celebrating will already be full-blown alcoholics: they may drink a bit more than their normal level, but generally will blend in with everyone else. After all, they hold jobs, serve on volunteer committees, have families and have friends. These are the so-called "functioning alcoholics."

So what's wrong with being an alcoholic if you can function normally?  

Part One is the first of three discussions of the issue.

More on The Functioning Alcoholic, Part One

 Dr. Neill Neill 

Daniel emailed me to ask for my thoughts on the question "Can you have an alcohol allergy?" He recalled that I had mentioned I was allergic to alcohol in a talk I gave to a group of alumni of the Sunshine Coast Health Centre in June.

I was a functioning alcoholic when I was younger. But in my mid thirties I began having unexplained physical illness symptoms that eventually got me to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester Minnesota.

During the prior year I had been hospitalized for a duodenal ulcer and later for a gall bladder attack, neither of which actually existed. I periodically got a sharp pain that ran from my left chest over my shoulder and down my left arm, so they checked me for heart problems. My heart was and is strong. I had periodic severe lower abdominal pain suggesting a hernia; I may have had a phantom hernia, but not a real one. My morning weight varied as much as 7 lbs with no change in activity, diet or alcohol consumption.

More on Can You Become Allergic to Alcohol?

For the past year I have been working as consulting psychologist to an alcohol and drug addiction treatment center for men. This is not my first experience in dealing with addiction; I had earlier worked five years in a coed treatment center. I have worked with a lot of functioning alcoholics and drug addicts in my private practice as well.

Although the reasons for substance abuse and subsequent seeking help for addiction are as varied as any human population can be, there is a pattern of sameness in among those men voluntarily going into rehab.

The seven characteristics presented below relate to what is going on at the point men seek help, not to the years when usage turned to habitual substance abuse and then to addiction. Some of the characteristics, but not all, apply to women as well as men. I have become aware that certain things emerge in a group of men that did not surface when men were in a coed group.

More on Seven Characteristics of Functioning Alcoholics and Drug Addicts Seeking Rehab

Dr. Neill Neill

Anyone who abuses alcohol long enough or heavily enough eventually will have problems with memory. The functioning alcoholic will have memory problems. His memory problems are simply less severe than those of the skid-row alcoholic.

More on The Functioning Alcoholic and Memory Loss

We normally associate alcoholism with increased tolerance to alcohol. Alcoholics often are able to drink a great deal before the usual symptoms of intoxication kick in — slurred speech, falling asleep, getting loud, poor balance, and poor judgment which could lead to and accident or a DUI charge.

However, there are exceptions. Some functioning alcoholics do indeed show signs of intoxication with as little as a single drink. There are at least two different reasons why this might happen.

More on Can a Functioning Alcoholic Be Affected by One Drink?

Dr. Neill Neill

You both enjoyed a drink when you were first married. But unlike your drinking, his has increased over time. In fact it has become an integral part of everyday living for him.

It has become a familiar part of your life too, because you worry about what is happening to him and to your marriage. For present purposes I will limit my comments to home life.

Perhaps he is just a friendly alcoholic. He pours a drink as soon as he gets home from work and he keeps one going all evening. He watches television with you and the children and is easy to get along with, provided he always has a drink. He insists there is nothing wrong with this drinking and that he is functioning quite well. After all, he reasons, he does his job and he brings home the money.

However, he never goes to the children's games, because he doesn't plan ahead. By the time he is asked, he's already drinking and can't go. "Next time…"

If you enjoy sex in the evening, you are out of luck, because by bedtime he's blotto. And sex is not the only area where you are feeling neglect. It's hard to have a discussion about anything significant after he has had a couple of drinks. You spend a lot of time effectively alone. You didn't bargain for loneliness in your marriage.

More on The Functioning Alcoholic Is Your Husband

Dr. Neill Neill

Readers repeatedly ask me questions about their relationships with the functioning alcoholics in their lives. Today I will look at the case of the woman who is not yet living with her boyfriend, but wants to. She is concerned, however, about his alcohol consumption. It usually goes something like this:

"I've been wondering if my boyfriend has a drinking problem. He says he's a functioning alcoholic, with the stress on "functioning." I like the odd drink myself, but I can take it or leave it. We love each other and want to live together. Should I move in with him?" Signed, 29 and single

Well, 29 and single, it's good that you are acknowledging right up front that there could be a problem. You show a healthy level of self esteem and confidence.

More on The Functioning Alcoholic Who Wants to Live with You