Can the Functioning Alcoholic Last?

As I stated in a post in part 2, I think it depends on your definition of functioning. My husband is absolutely a functioning alcoholic. He is able to function successfully in many areas of his life. I really do not think anyone is successfully functioning in all areas of life, with or withour alcohol. I understand what you are saying. I just do not agree with your definition of functioning and therefore do not think functioning alcoholic is an oxymoron. However, I do believe a functioning alcoholic will not always be functioning. That is why it is so hard for him to admit he has a problem and quit drinking-he was fine in the beginning and cannot see the slow progression downward.

I am a functioning alcoholic. And I do see the downward progression of my life. I am seeking help which is how I came to this blog. And I also agree with Leigh completely.

 –Curtis

Curtis,

I’m glad you’re seeking help, and I agree that Leigh makes a good point. My point is that “functioning” is more than just being able to work. I was able to do that. But I’d have been dead if I had continued on the path I was on. My very best wishes to you.

Neill

Exactly how many people do you know who are meeting potential and pursuing their dreams. 1 in 5? 1 in 10? 50?

Hello James,

I don’t know what the stats are or would be, but I have known many who were attempting to be the best the could and pursue their dreams. Some of these like myself have overcome an addiction. But a few more things need to be said.
1. None of us who have been alcoholics or other addicts can know what our potential might have been had we not damaged our brains through our addictions.
2. I’ve never met an actively-using addict who was even trying to pursue his dreams or reach his potential.
3. If you have abandoned your dreams and are content to under use your potential, you will have lots of company. But for me that would be an unhappy way to live. Fulfillment beats drifting every time.

Best wishes,

Neill

I am definatly not a fuctioning alcholic! All i do is drink, then work and put up with the hangover! my brain does not want any hassle, i just want to get through the day and drink again! I hate it, i have twice nearly killed myself!

I believe there can be "functioning alcoholics" I have hard time believing my husband is an alcoholic, to me an alcoholic is someone who drinks from the time they get up to the time the go back to bed.

My H drinks anywhere from 6-15 a night, he walked out on me and our kids at the begining of the year for another woman because as put it "he can talk to her" I would have to call home every day to make sure he was up to get the kids to school, several times they were late. The blinds in the house were always closed, he always came to bed drunk, sometimes would pass out on the living room floor or in a chair with a can of beer spilling onto the carpet.

He works in a bar, and it is NOT uncommon for him to be so drunk within 1/2 hour of his shift ending that he can not stand up without help.

I am not the first wife he has left for someone else either.

He turned down a Monday to Friday job at double his current pay becuase it meant he would have to get up early.

I believe my husband is a "functioning alcoholic". He has drank (between 6-12) beers every single day consistently for the past 10+ years. However, he maintains a steady, professional career with a great income, never over-spends our money, is a wonderful father to our two small children, is involved in our church on the building committee, and takes care of the outside of our home along with many renovations. This man cannot NOT drink every single day though. As soon as he gets home he opens a beer and drinks steadily until he falls asleep. He almost never gets sick (which I can't understand for the life of me!). I recently started attending Al-Anon and my biggest concern is because it does not seem to affect any apsect of his life (other than the consistent distance it builds in our marriage) how long can he continue like this … and what example is it setting for our children …

Hi Fran,

Alcohol does take it's toll, nonetheless. You said it yourself: he drinks until he falls asleep. What you need to pay attention to is how YOU are feeling as he sinks into unconsciousness. Lonely? Neglected? Unconnected? Angry? These are really big long-term issues for any marriage. So is the modeling your children see.

And it's only a matter of time on the health. The problem is, we never know how long. I'm planning to write a article on alcohol and health. If you are on my list, you'll get an email when it's up on my website.

Your husband sounds like a really good man, so getting him to confront his addiction is really worth doing. Approach it on the grounds of what it's doing to you and to the children. He sounds like he cares and wouldn't deliberately hurt any of you.

There may be something else haunting him, some old trauma he doesn't want to face, something he medicates with beer. Appropriate professional help for the underlying problem(s) might be needed.

Thank you for writing. I wish I could offer more.

Neill

Many interesting comments. Like Curtis I have come looking on the web to see what is out there…I have been involved with drinking and drugs since about 12, am now 40ish. Do not drink everyday or even every week, but when I do I am out till dawn, the wife has had enough. I feel it is a simple choice that is now not so simple for me..thoughts? I am seeing that thought this is "not so bad", to what degree do you justify and maintain selfishness in a common relationship? I have used this as MINE and I guess it has been like cheating on her, at least that is the way she reacts. would like some comments from other married women who may have men like me..thanks